‘Death on the Nile’ sinks like a stone: Review

Armie Hammer and Gal Gadot in a scene from 'Death on the Nile'.

Death on the Nile docks on the wrong side of every nautical quip in the metaphoric movie review harbor. There’s no wind in this story’s sails. Its protagonist can’t scrape through the scum. Bow to stern, it sinks — dragged into the icy depths by strange editing, cumbersome dialogue, goofy CGI, and dangling details that just don’t fit.

Kenneth Branagh’s Murder on the Orient Express follow-up, which sees the director/star return as genius detective Hercule Poirot, seems like it should be fine at the very least. With more Agatha Christie to adapt, the star-studded whodunnit promises the same glamorous puzzling as Branagh’s first film, which I and plenty of others liked well enough. If Death on the Nile just followed the formula of Orient Express — hold 1930s travelers hostage, accuse them of murder, and let audiences watch the self-incriminating fun — the rest would follow, right? 

Matters haven’t been so simple. Although the Egypt-set mystery wrapped filming in 2019, numerous scandals befell the project during its pandemic-era post-production. Gal Gadot weathered the awkwardness of the 2020 “Imagine” video only to receive backlash for a social media post about Israel and Palestine. Letitia Wright was accused of espousing anti-vaccine rhetoric on the set of Black Panther 2. Armie Hammer faced rape, sexual assault, and abuse allegations that were made infinitely more memorable by the cannibalism kink at that horrific saga’s center

Kenneth Branagh in front of a pyramid for 'Death on the Nile'


Credit: Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation

Many speculated the movie would be shelved or reshot in light of Hammer’s painfully public downfall. But when Death on the Nile began marketing ahead of its Feb. 11 opening with the actor in its trailer, it was clear he’d made the final cut. Still, knowing Hammer is in the movie doesn’t make his first appearance as romantic lead Simon Doyle any less unsettling. That discomfort doesn’t really stem from the bad PR directly, but instead from the artistic choices that seemingly follow from the bad PR.

Opposite Emma Mackey’s Jacqueline de Bellefort, an impossibly great femme fatale under the circumstances, Hammer arrives on screen during a very lengthy, very sexy dance sequence introducing Simon and Jacqueline as passionate lovers. The love triangle between them and Linnet Ridgeway, a stupidly dull heiress played by Gadot, is Death on the Nile‘s main narrative voyage. When Simon leaves Jacqueline for Linnet, the scorned woman follows the honeymooners and their wacky wedding guests on a trip down the Nile where tragedy awaits. 

Underlining just how much Jacqueline thought she and Simon were in love by having them do a steamy dance number at the top of the film is important. But actually watching the scene, one can’t help but feel like Branagh is embarrassed to show the supposedly dashing man winning these women’s affections. 

Gal Gadot, Emma Mackey, and Armie Hammer in 'Death on the Nile'


Credit: Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation

The rapturous 1930s club setting, meticulously rendered with the aforementioned dance as its centerpiece, is incongruous with the awkward editing around Hammer. Whenever possible the camera lingers on Mackey for longer than makes sense. Hammer’s face is rarely allowed in the center of the frame. With each spin and step, I grew more convinced Simon wouldn’t be in the film for very long. But when the following scene proclaimed him the new Mr. Linnet Ridgeway — and gave Hammer heaps more dialogue — I was more confused than compelled.

This lop-sided tango is the first of many off moments plaguing Death on the Nile. It’s a film anchored by as many bad artistic choices as publicity crises. Scene after scene, these less-than-stellar moments — only some of which involve the canceled elephant in the room — become more egregious and grow closer together. Having a problematic actor appear in something that’s already cast and filmed is a tough situation, surely. But marketing troubles just can’t account for the treasure chest of terrible filmmaking that is the finished product.

Following the dance, there’s more than two minutes of profoundly chunky exposition delivered via a monolog from returning character Bouc, played again by Tom Bateman. It sloppily introduces Death on the Nile‘s massive cast of characters in a manner that’s far too fast to follow, and liable to make your eyes glaze over. Rose Leslie, Annette Bening, Russell Brand, Jennifer Saunders, Sophie Okonedo, Dawn French, and Ali Fazal are in this film; all of them are forgettable.

Ali Fazal, Letitia Wright, and Sophie Okonedo in 'Death on the Nile'


Credit: Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation

Next, there arrives a CGI snake so bad it looks plucked straight out of 2008; think Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull or maybe The Mummy 3. 

Shortly after that, Linnet climbs a ladder and pretends to be Cleopatra for absolutely no reason whatsoever. (OK, maybe it’s loosely explained as part of the fanfare of getting on the boat — but the shot looks bad and she just sort of goes up, smiles, and immediately comes down? Its “point” is impenetrable.)

Then, we stare at some poorly rendered water and pyramids. Then, we stare at some poorly rendered water and pyramids some more. (Whether this bizarrely boring sequence is accounting for Simon stuff that got cut or propping up egos in the VFX department isn’t clear either.)

Kenneth Branagh in 'Death on the Nile'


Credit: Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation

By the time we’re actually aboard the S.S. Karnak, where bodies appear as frequently as ridiculous platitudes about romance and wealth, Death on the Nile sounds less like a cinematic caper and more like sweet relief. I could forgive a classic novel adaptation for being mundane. I could forgive a troubled movie for its rough edges; see Army of the Dead. But this super uneven, poorly constructed grab-bag is less easy to stomach because it is simultaneously both boring and irritating. 

When Death on the Nile is not making amusingly bad choices, it’s swimming in bloated sequences or reiterating the same point enough to make you seasick. Consequently you may find, as I did, that this whodunnit isn’t all that hard to figure out. Humblebrag, but: I had it solved before the end of act one — which left me regrettably little to do the rest of the movie.

There are other Agatha Christie novels and Branagh, who is riding the high of three Academy Awards nominations for Belfast, may adapt another. It’s unlikely he’d face the same issues outside of production, and, assuming he doesn’t pick the exact same weekend as Knives Out 2, audiences have a reasonably good appetite for whodunits. He could do it, especially considering how many enjoyed Orient Express. But whether he should is up for debate. After all, this one was a wreck — just not on a train.

Death on the Nile is in theaters Feb. 11.

The 15 best international movies on Netflix

Netflix international movies

Netflix’s offerings extend far beyond the big-budget blockbusters of Hollywood.

They might not be the first movies that pop up on your trending section, but the streaming giant has an excellent range from around the world — and we’ve rounded up the best of them below. (In this case, we’re defining “international” as anything that wasn’t made in the U.S.).

From the gritty coming-of-age realism of French film Divines and the suspense of Oxygen to the animated family fun of the Spanish movie Klaus and the riotous comedy of New Zealand’s The Breaker Upperers, here we go…

Here are the best international movies now on Netflix.

1. Atlantics

Atlantics on Netflix

Mati Diop’s “Atlantics” won the Cannes Grand Prix in 2019.
Credit: netflix

A hazy mystery that flicks between dream and nightmare, Atlantics tells the story of a group of young men who leave Senegal by boat after their construction boss refuses to pay them. Writer-director Mati Diop seamlessly weaves genres in this debut, with romance and detective story gradually making way for something altogether eerier. Claire Mathon’s sunlit cinematography is the perfect backdrop, while Fatima Al Qadiri’s score only adds to this film’s beauty. As the winner of the 2019 Cannes Grand Prix and Senegal’s Academy Award entry for Best International Feature Film, Atlantics is also one of Netflix’s best original movies of that year. — Sam Haysom, Deputy UK Editor

Where to watch: Atlantics is now streaming on Netflix.

2. The Breaker Upperers

The Breaker Uppers on Netflix


Credit: Netflix

This hidden gem comes from New Zealand, the fertile comedy ground that gave us Taika Waititi, Flight of the Conchords, and What We Do In The Shadows. Waititi collaborators Jackie van Beek, James Rolleston, and Jemaine Clement team up for a deeply quirky buddy comedy about two long-time besties with a bonkers — but brilliant — business model. Need someone to dump your partner so you can avoid a messy confrontation? Call on Jen and Mel (co-writers/co-directors/co-leads van Beek and Madeleine Sami). For a reasonable fee, these fearless Breaker Upperers will impersonate police officers, play pregnant, or even fake your death to help you ghost an ex. Whatever the shenanigans, van Beek and Sami sparkle. Booming with wild humor and big heart, this comedy is guaranteed to leave you cackling.* — Kristy Puchko, Deputy Entertainment Editor

Where to watch: The Breaker Upperers is now streaming on Netflix

3. Divines

Divins on Netflix

Houda Benyamina’s “Divines” is a tough but captivating watch.
Credit: netflix

Fair warning: This one is not an easy watch. Although French director Houda Benyamina’s Divines does have some lighter moments, it’s really a warts-and-all story about the grim reality of growing up in poverty — and the lengths some people might go to in order to escape it. The film follows Dounia (Oulaya Amamra) and Maimouna (Déborah Lukumuena), two teenage best friends, who start working for charismatic local drug dealer Rebecca (Jisca Kalvanda) to try and make a living on the outskirts of Paris. The characters and acting are both perfect, the script is sharp and thoughtful, and the world it portrays is as captivating as it is terrifying. — S.H.

Where to watch: Divines is now streaming on Netflix.

4. First They Killed My Father

First They Killed My Father on Netflix

“First They Killed My Father” is based on Loung Ung’s powerful memoir.
Credit: netflix

Set during the brutal 1975 takeover by Pol Pot’s Khmer Rouge in Cambodia, First They Killed My Father shows the horrors of war from the perspective of a five-year-old girl. Based on the memoir by Loung Ung and brilliantly directed by Angelina Jolie, the movie follows the Ung family as they’re forced from their home and made to endure separation, forced labour, and violence at the hands of the new regime. The film is unrelentingly tense from the beginning and very hard to watch at times, but it’s also a moving insight into humanity’s ability to overcome even the most devastating of traumas. — S.H.

Where to watch: First They Killed My Father is now streaming on Netflix.

5. His House

His House on Netflix

Ṣọpẹ Dìrísù as Bol Majur in “His House”.
Credit: Aidan Monaghan / NETFLIX

The best types of horror films are more than just a trickbox of scares. Some are character studies, others explore deeper themes or grapple with complex social issues, and a few manage to move you in more ways than just a raising of the pulse. British writer-director Remi Weekes’s debut His House does all of the above at once.

SEE ALSO:

The 13 best British movies of 2020

Following asylum seekers Bol (Ṣọpẹ Dìrísù) and Rial (Wunmi Mosaku) as they arrive in the UK from South Sudan only to be thrust into an unforgiving world of bureaucracy and racism, His House melds drama with a claustrophobic haunted house mystery. Noises echo in the walls, and Bol’s fear and paranoia grow along with ours. But it’s only as the movie progresses, and Jo Willems’ creative cinematography starts hinting at what took place in the past, that the true horror of His House is revealed.* —S.H.

Where to watch: His House is now streaming on Netflix.

6. Hunt for the Wilderpeople

Hunt for the Wilderpeople on Netflix

Julian Dennison and Sam Neill in “Hunt for the Wilderpeople.”
Credit: Piki Films / Kobal / Shutterstock

Taika Waititi’s last New Zealand-set film, released after What We Do In The Shadows but before Thor: Ragnarok, follows a spiky, defiant young teenager named Ricky Baker (Julian Dennison), who finds himself and his dog Tupac on the lam in the New Zealand bush with a cantankerous and reluctant carer (Sam Neill), pursued by a dogged but well-meaning child services agent (Rachel House). Dennison is a gift in this, his toughness and sweetness and indignant speeches creating one of the most instantly memorable, lovable teenage characters in recent memory (which he reprised in Deadpool 2). And Neill’s gruff “Uncle” Hec traces the contours of the “taciturn old fella comes to care for the scrappy kid” arc with so much nuance it feels made anew. The utter genius House, meanwhile, who Waititi rightly yoinked into the MCU with him in Ragnarok, almost steals the show as the hysterically relentless “villain” of the film. (“I’m like the Terminator. You’re like Sarah Connor. In the first one, before she could do chin-ups.”) 

It’s an occasionally devastating coming-of-age tale for both main characters, a story of the revelation that you can go much farther when you let other people in. But more than anything, it’s hysterically funny.* — Caitlin Welsh, Australia Editor

Where to watch: Hunt for the Wilderpeople is now streaming on Netflix.

7. I Lost My Body

I Lost My Body on Netflix

Jérémy Clapin’s “I Lost My Body” is adapted from Guillaume Laurant’s novel.
Credit: netflix

If you like your movies beautifully crafted, tear-inducing, and loaded with clever symbolism, Jérémy Clapin’s I Lost My Body deserves a place on your list. Adapted from Guillaume Laurant’s novel, the César-winning, French animated fantasy/drama begins with its main character Naoufel (Hakim Faris, Dev Patel in the English dub) losing his hand. It then splits into two intertwined narratives that follow 1) Naoufel’s childhood backstory and 2) Naoufel’s severed hand journeying across the city of Paris in an attempt to be reunited with its owner. (Yep, I know how that sounds, but it’s actually a whole lot more poetic than that description would suggest). As much a coming-of-age drama as it is a meditation on fate and destiny, I Lost My Body is the kind of film that will stay with you long after the credits have rolled. — S.H.

Where to watch: I Lost My Body is now streaming on Netflix.

8. Ip Man

Ip Man on Netflix

Donnie Yen stars in “Ip Man.”
Credit: Mandarin/Kobal/Shutterstock

The Ip Man movies are some of the greatest martial arts movies in recent decades, period. The martial artist at their centre, Ip Man, is best known as the teacher of perhaps the most influential artist of all time, Bruce Lee. The first movie from 2008 begins five years before Lee’s birth and is an incredible and inspiring film that lays out the more relaxed style of the Wing Chun martial art form as Man defends himself and those around him from Chinese challengers and later the invading Japanese military. The subsequent movies follow the development and spread of martial arts around the world in the 20th century with some of the most impressive action scenes in martial arts film history, starring Donnie Yen as Ip Man. If you enjoy the first film, the next three, all of which are on Netflix, are excellent follow-ups, ending with the bleeding of Chinese martial arts into the U.S. with the help of Lee. — Kellen Beck, Entertainment Reporter

Where to watch: Ip Man is now streaming on Netflix.

9. Klaus

Klaus on Netflix


Credit: Netflix

Sometimes all you really want to watch is an animated movie about Christmas. Spanish director Sergio Pablos crafts a beautiful Father Christmas origin story in Klaus, an adventure that starts with an arrogant postman being banished to a gloomy island in the north before leading on to the unlikely friendship he forms with a surly and reclusive toymaker. It has pretty much everything you’d want from an animated family movie: colourful characters, wonderfully-imagined landscapes, and the perfect combination of slapstick humour, and dry sarcasm. — S.H.

Where to watch: Klaus is now streaming on Netflix.

SEE ALSO:

‘Klaus’ director Sergio Pablos discusses the challenges of traditional 2D animation

10. Oxygen

Oxygen on Netflix

Not one to watch if you’re claustrophobic.
Credit: Netflix

A futuristic twist on the fear of being buried alive, Alexandre Aja’s Oxygen is a claustrophobic nightmare about a woman who wakes up in a cryogenic box with no idea of who she is or how she got there. The good news? She’s able to communicate with the outside world via a robotic medical unit called M.I.L.O. The bad news? Nobody she speaks to seems willing to come clean with her, and her oxygen reserves are quickly spiraling towards 0 percent. Mélanie Laurent perfectly captures the short-breathed dread of this role, and Christie LeBlanc’s screenplay has enough twists and turns to keep the story racing along at a heart-pounding pace. Just tread carefully if you have a fear of tight spaces — this one won’t be a fun watch for claustrophobics.* — S.H.

How to watch: Oxygen is now streaming on Netflix.

11. The Platform

The Platform on Netflix

Galder Gaztelu-Urrutia’s “The Platform” is an unsettling sci-fi thriller.
Credit: netflix

Prison cells stacked one on top of the other, with holes in the floor and ceiling. Randomly assigned levels that change each month. And a platform of food that gets slowly lowered from the very top, getting sparser and sparser with each floor it descends. This is the concept at the centre of Spanish director Galder Gaztelu-Urrutia’s The Platform, a disturbing sci-fi thriller that wears its capitalist analogy plainly on its prison garb sleeve. It’s one of those rare gems where the execution is as strong as the idea at its core, driven by an excellent screenplay from David Desola and Pedro Rivero that’s dripping with horror and suspense. If you’re a fan of movies like The Cube or Saw, this is well worth checking out. — S.H.

Where to watch: The Platforms is now streaming on Netflix.

12. Ravenous (Les Affames)

Ravenous on Netflix


Credit: Netflix

Robin Aubert’s Ravenous is like Canada’s answer to The Walking Dead. Set in a rural village in Quebec, the movie follows a disparate group of survivors in the aftermath of a mysterious event that’s led to a large chunk of the population — you guessed it — suddenly developing an appetite for human flesh. The zombies in Ravenous are fast and hungry, the characters are varied, and the film has a quiet sense of realism that sets it aside from your typical zombie blockbuster. — S.H.

Where to watch: Ravenous is now streaming on Netflix.

13. Rocks

Rocks on Netflix

The cast of “Rocks” truly make Sarah Gavron’s film.
Credit: altitude films

Suffragette director Sarah Gavron’s coming-of-age film Rocks was hands down one of the best British films of 2020. Written by Nigerian-British playwright and screenwriter Theresa Ikoko alongside writer Claire Wilson, the film is an empowering, moving, superbly-acted ode to the underestimated resilience of teenage girls. 

Newcomer Bukky Bakray is outstanding as London teenager Olushola — everyone calls her “Rocks” — whose mother suddenly abandons her and her younger brother Emmanuel (D’angelou Osei Kissiedu). Wanting to avoid going into foster care, Rocks must come up with every plan she can to care for her brother, all while attempting to continue life as normal around her friends. Kosar Ali is exceptional as her best friend Sumaya, while Shaneigha-Monik Greyson brings intensity to new girl Roshé.* — S.C.

Where to watch: Rocks is now streaming on Netflix.

14. Roma

Roma on Netflix

Make time for Alfonso Cuarón’s Oscar-winning film “Roma.”
Credit: Carlos Somonte

The first foreign-language film to win an Oscar for best director, Alfonso Cuarón’s Roma greets viewers at the intersection of personal reflection and cinematic excellence. The black-and-white film follows live-in housekeeper Cleo (Yalitza Aparicio), an Indigenous woman who works for an affluent family in Mexico City, finding a sense of humanity that is uniquely memorable.* — Alison Foreman, Entertainment Reporter

Where to watch: Roma is now streaming on Netflix.

15. Sir

Sir on Netflix

Ashwin (Vivek Gomber) and Ratna (Tillotama Shome) in “Sir.”
Credit: screenshot: netflix

First-time feature director Rohena Gera sticks the landing with 2018’s Sir, which was only released in cinemas in November 2020 and hit Netflix early in 2021. It’s essential Indian cinema. Tillotama Shome stars as Ratna, a live-in housemaid to upper-middle-class Ashwin. Housemaids are common in India, where the film is set, but Ratna and Ashwin develop a slow-simmering and socially unthinkable love. 

With Gera’s writing and direction, this unlikely story never feels forced. The love blooms organically, in furtive looks and hefty silence and the trust they develop as Ashwin recovers from a broken engagement and Ratna tells him about her late husband. The result is a film so soft and stirring that it will stay with you long after it ends. — Proma Khosla, Entertainment Reporter

Where to watch: Sir is now streaming on Netflix.

Asterisks (*) indicate the entry has been modified from a previous Mashable list.

10 best free movies included on Prime Video

Scenes from Guava Island, The Lighthouse, and Napoleon Dynamite

Are you making the most out of your Amazon Prime subscription?

Sure, you know to turn to Prime Video when it’s time to rent or purchase major new releases. But if you’re not keeping an eye on the rotating movies included with the service you already have, then you’re probably missing out on the awesome “free” films that Prime Video gets you.

From heralded rom-coms to creepy horror, daring dramas, and much more, Prime Video has a solid lineup worth sorting through. Some of the best stuff only stays for a little while, so you’ll want to hop on it.

For folks looking to stream ASAP (without dipping further into their wallet), here are the 10 best free movies streaming on Amazon Prime Video right now.

10. The Big Sick

Eternals star Kumail Nanjiani plays himself in director Michael Showalter’s telling of Nanjiani and wife Emily V. Gordon’s love story with a harrowing twist. Written by Nanjiani and Gordon, The Big Sick follows a couple on the brink of a breakup who suddenly face losing each other forever. Genuinely funny and extraordinarily sweet, this meaty rom-com is perfect for when you want a meaningful watch with high entertainment value. —Alison Foreman, Entertainment Reporter

How to watch: The Big Sick is now included with Prime Video.

9. Guava Island

Donald Glover in 'Guava Island'


Credit: Amazon Studios

Rihanna and Donald Glover lead in this darkly joyous musical movie journey. A vibrant blend of contemporary tracks and timeless storytelling (with just a sprinkling of FX’s Atlanta-esque style), Hiro Murai’s Guava Island tells a tale of oppression and resistance always worth revisiting. If you haven’t seen it before, make the time. At just 55 minutes, it’s a steal. — A.F.

How to watch: Guava Island is now included with Prime Video.

8. The Report

With so many phenomenal Adam Driver movies out in recent years (House of Gucci, Marriage Story, The Rise of Skywalker) you may have missed The Report. Directed by Scott Z. Burns, this drama takes a chilling look at the Senate Intelligence Committee’s investigation of the CIA’s use of torture following the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks. Supporting performances by Annette Bening, Jon Hamm, Michael C. Hall, Ted Levine, and more make this an ensemble effort worthy of your time. — A.F.

How to watch: The Report is now included with Prime Video.

7. Honey Boy

Shia LaBeouf in 'Honey Boy'


Credit: Amazon Studios

Written by Shia LaBeouf and based on his own experiences growing up, Honey Boy is a surprisingly heartfelt and impactful watch. Chronicling the life of a former child actor who spirals into alcoholism, this semi-autobiographical work offers profound insight into the pain and pressure of a man forced to evolve in the public eye. Alma Har’el directs. — A.F.

How to watch: Honey Boy is now included with Prime Video.

6. Napoleon Dynamite

It’s awkward, it’s off-beat, it’s endearing… it’s Napoleon Dynamite! The cult classic behind “Vote for Pedro” and the absolute strangest way to store tater tots still holds up. Follow Napoleon Dynamite (Jon Heder) as he navigates a high school presidential election, relationships, and the arrival of his intense Uncle Rico (Jon Gries). Every interaction is loaded with meteoric amounts of quirk sure to get you laughing. Heder’s performance is deadpan in all the right ways, and the big dance scene where he cuts loose to Jamiroquai’s “Canned Heat” is a phenomenal climax to this oddball flick. * — Belen Edwards, Entertainment Reporter

How to watch: Napoleon Dynamite is now included with Prime Video.

SEE ALSO:

How to avoid paying $139 for Amazon Prime

5. Tangerine

A scene from 'Tangerine' with Kitana Kiki Rodriguez


Credit: Magnolia Pictures

Director Sean Baker’s low-budget tour de force follows transgender sex worker Sin-Dee Rella, played by the effervescent Kitana Kiki Rodriguez, as she seeks to enact revenge on the man who cheated on her and the cisgender woman he cheated with. Bittersweet and hysterical, Tangerine is a one-of-a-kind viewing experience you’ll cherish forever. *— A.F.

How to watch: Tangerine is now included with Prime Video.

4. Sleepless in Seattle

It might get frequently confused with You’ve Got Mail, but Nora Ephron’s Sleepless in Seattle is solid company in the excellent Tom-Hanks-and-Meg-Ryan-fall-in-love-without-meeting genre.

SEE ALSO:

20 best romantic comedies to fall in love with on Netflix

Hanks plays widower Sam, whose son (Ross Malinger) convinces him to talk about his late wife on the radio. His story captivates listeners around the country, including Annie (Ryan), who writes to Sam and asks him to meet her at the Empire State Building on Valentine’s Day. As the day ticks closer, life mostly goes on, but chance encounters and missed connections pile up until the fateful meeting. * — Proma Khosla, Senior Entertainment Reporter

How to watch: Sleepless in Seattle is now included with Prime Video.

3. The Lighthouse

A scene from 'The Lighthouse' with Robert Pattinson and Willem Dafoe.


Credit: A24

Add some Robert Eggers to your queue and revel in the baffling mystery that is The Lighthouse. This black-and-white nightmare features lead performances from Robert Pattinson and Willem Dafoe as two lighthouse keepers spiraling into madness. It goes about as well as you’d expect. — A.F.

How to watch: The Lighthouse is now included with Prime Video.

2. Train to Busan

Train to Busan delivers in every way a zombie apocalypse film should. Director Yeon Sang-ho’s breakneck vision of train travelers suddenly fighting off undead predators has great action, sensational character development, and special effects you won’t soon forget. — A.F.

How to watch: Train to Busan is now included with Prime Video.

1. Fargo

Frances McDormand in 'Fargo'


Credit: Gramercy Pictures

In this reporter’s personal favorite Joel and Ethan Coen joint ever (my sincere apologies to Mr. Lebowski), William H. Macy stars as Jerry Lundegaard, a Minneapolis car salesman who finds himself at the center of a kidnapping scheme gone wrong. Frances McDormand plays Marge Gunderson, the police officer tasked with solving Fargo‘s central crime; Steve Buscemi and Peter Stormare dazzle as Jerry’s accomplices. The best black comedy on Prime by a snowy mile (you’ll get that when ya watch the movie), Fargo is a top-shelf title. * — A.F.

How to watch: Fargo is now included with Prime Video.

34 gifts everyone should have on their birthday list

birthday presents

Getting excited about birthday presents is not just for kids. You can be a grown ass adult and still lose your shit when you open up the gift that topped your wish list.

As you get older, it does become a little more difficult to come up with a list of birthday gift ideas. You can’t just ask for all the coolest new toys anymore. Well, you can if you want — we’re not going to stop you.

If your birthday is coming up and you’re struggling to think of what you want, don’t sweat it. We compiled the ultimate birthday wish list for you, with gifts ranging from tech to spa trips to cool home goods. Read on for some birthday inspo to casually drop hints about to your friends. And hey, happy birthday!

A new phone

smartphone

The iPhone 13 Pro comes in 4 colors.
Credit: Apple

Still living that single-camera iPhone 8 life? Don’t spend your own money on an expensive phone — have someone who loves you spend their money! The latest iPhones start at $799. (Group gift, anyone?)

An artsy watch

watch

From astronomy to animals and more.
Credit: red juan shop

You like watches and art, so why not combine them? This Etsy shop has a huge selection of artwork watch faces, and you can even upload your own image. The watches are $10.80.

A fun card game

card game


Credit: what do you meme?

Be the king or queen of your next game night by asking for What Do You Meme? — a Cards Against Humanity-style game, but with memes. You’re not guaranteed to win, but you will have some good laughs for sure. The game goes for $29.99.

A very personal card game

card game


Credit: We’re not really strangers

Yes, that’s two card games on a single birthday list, but hear us out: there’s a time for memes, and a time for soul-searching and human connection. This “game” (it’s really more of an activity) is the latter. Get uncomfortably personal with family or break the ice on first dates — either way, these red cards will add new dimensions to your relationships (see their popular Instagram page for proof). The basic set is $25, with expansion packs available.

Apparel for your favorite team

two men wearing athleisure


Credit: fanatics

Show your team some love with a new shirt, jersey, or whatever else you want to flex their logo on. Fanatics has apparel for almost every die-hard sports fan (we’re looking at you, Buckeyes), with gear for the NFL, NCAA, MLB, NBA, NHL, and more. Prices vary.

A nice camera

hands holding a camera


Credit: sony

Whether you’re a professional or just picked it up as a hobby, photography nerds know that the Sony a7R II is an incredible piece of equipment. The full-frame, mirrorless camera takes stunning pictures worthy not just of your Insta feed, but the pages of National Geographic. The camera costs $1,320.50 (not including the lens).

An Apple Watch

apple watch


Credit: Apple

An Apple Watch lets you access smartphone features conveniently on your wrist. You can control your music, send and receive texts, monitor your health, and tons more. The Apple Watch Series 6 in red is currently $50 off for $349.

A media streaming stick

streaming stick


Credit: amazon

If you don’t already have a smart TV but you want to access Netflix, Hulu, HBO, Disney+, and all the other streaming services directly from your TV, ask for a Fire TV Stick for your bday. The 4K version normally goes for $49.99, but get it for $24.99 for a limited time.

Money!!!

gift card


Credit: visa

You really can’t beat the gift of cold, hard cash — or a gift card. This Visa card is a perfect gift because you can spend it on literally whatever you want; buy yourself something fun or get some help with groceries this month. The gift card starts at $10 and comes in $5 increments.

A delicious-smelling candle

candle


Credit: yankee candle

Candles are a timeless gift that you can ask for at every single gift-giving opportunity (and will likely receive anyways if you don’t specify what you actually want). We are firm believers that you can never have too many candles. Add some nice Yankee Candle scents to your bday wish list this year and every year.

A cast iron skillet

skillet


Credit: lodge

A cast-iron skillet is like the most ~adult~ thing you could ask for. It’s something you probably want, but don’t particularly want to spend the money on. Lodge has different sizes depending on what you’re wanting to cook. A 10.25-inch skillet costs $26.07 but is currently on sale for $22.90.

A multipurpose pressure cooker

instant pot


Credit: instant pot

A little less adult, a little more useful: a pressure cooker that can air fry, roast, bake, dehydrate, slow cook, prepare rice, steam, sauté and more. Impress guests with your culinary skills (that are in fact just throwing all the ingredients listed in the recipe into this thing and then waiting a couple hours). The Instant Pot 11-in-1 Electric Pressure Cooker will cost your gift-giver $199, but they can reap the rewards when you cook for them with it.

A cool essential oil diffuser

essential oil diffuser


Credit: heung hoi

Essential oil diffusers are on damn near every gift guide, but there’s a reason for that. They rock. You can create your own concoctions of scents to help boost your mood or let you relax. Plus, this one has super cool lights that will make your room look awesome. This diffuser costs $29.99.

A relaxing spa day

gift card


Credit: spafinder

A spa day is the ultimate treat yo’ self gift (just ask the Parks and Rec gang). Spafinder works with a network of spas and wellness centers, so you can use this gift card at your choice of location for a relaxing massage or rejuvenating facial.

A Bluetooth record player

record player


Credit: sony

Are your Spotify playlists just not cutting it anymore? Switch it up and go retro with a vinyl music collection. This turntable connects to Bluetooth speakers and headphones if you want to listen that way or you can hook it up to a sound system using cords — it costs $228.

A pack of disposable cameras

disposable cameras


Credit: fujifilm

While on the topic of going retro, snap some throwback pics with a disposable camera. You’ll capture some fun, in-the-moment memories with no do-overs. A three-pack of disposable cameras costs $67.99 (this shit has gotten kind of expensive since the invention of digital/phone cameras).

A new type of alcohol

two people sitting on the floor among boxes


Credit: drizly

Have a favorite type of wine that you can’t seem to find in any store? Or looking to try a new type of whiskey? Drizly offers delivery on beer, wine, and liquor and has thousands of options. Cheers!

A semi-permanent tattoo

tattoos


Credit: inkbox

If you like the idea of tattoos but don’t love commitment, Inkbox is an awesome gift. Pick from a huge selection of designs or create your own custom tat. The ink lasts on your skin for about two weeks, and the semi-permanent tattoos range from $5 on sale to $149 for full sets of 13.

A custom pet portrait

painting of dogs


Credit: leflore studio

If you’re obsessed with your pet, these custom pet portraits need to be on your birthday list. There are many different styles to choose from, each one super freakin’ adorable. Prices vary depending on size.

Color-changing smart light bulbs

living room


Credit: philips

Turn your bedroom into a party with these color-changing smart light bulbs. You can control the lights from your phone and set whatever mood you’re feeling. This kit includes two Bluetooth bulbs for $79.99.

AirPods Pro

airpods pro


Credit: apple

Apple stepped up its audio game with the AirPods Pro, which feature active noise cancellation. If you want the latest and greatest from Apple but don’t want to pay latest and greatest prices (AirPods Pro cost $249) yourself, put these babies on your bday wishlist.

A portable projector

handheld projector

The portable projector fits in the palm of your hands.
Credit: anker

All of your friends will start calling your home the “cool house” if movie nights involve this mini portable projector. Use it to play movies, shows, or games outside on a screen or indoors on a blank wall. The Anker Nebula Capsule in black costs $299.99.

A Nintendo Switch and Animal Crossing bundle

nintendo switch


Credit: Nintendo

If you don’t already have a Switch, you’re going to need a game, you know, so you can actually play it. This bundle comes with the very popular Animal Crossing, so you can start creating your island. The duo costs $449.99.

A cool new bike

bike


Credit: schwinn

Head outdoors with this hybrid bike designed for both leisure and more adventurous rides. It comes in different colors and a couple different styles for men and women. The 18-inch Schwinn GTX bike normally goes for $499.99 but is currently 10% off for $449.99.

A craft beer kit to make your own brew

beer making kit


Credit: mr. beer

If you’re a craft beer connoisseur, it’s time you start brewing your own ales. This kit comes with everything you need to make two gallons of Mr. Beer’s Golden Ale and it costs $49.99.

A nice Apple laptop

laptop


Credit: apple

MacBook Airs are super nice computers, but they can definitely be a bit pricey… which is what makes them such a great addition to a birthday wish list. Someone who loves you can drop the big bucks for you! A 13-inch MacBook Air with 8GB RAM and 256GB SSD goes for $999 but is currently on sale for $100 less at $899.

A cool drone with a 4K camera

drone


Credit: dji

This drone is small and super lightweight, but it takes stunning photos and video. It’s great for traveling or for using at home. DJI is one of the top names in drones and the Mini 2 costs $669 with accessories.

A personal blender for smoothies

blender


Credit: nutribullet

Make smoothies in your own kitchen with a NutriBullet personal blender — it’s fast and easy. The NutriBullet Nutrient Extractor comes with the 600W motor base, blender blade, 24-ounce blending cup, travel lid, and lip ring, plus a recipe book if you’re sick of the same old smoothies. It costs $59.99 but is currently on sale for $50.

A video doorbell

doorbell


Credit: ring

Add a layer of security to your home with a Ring 3 video doorbell. It has video and two-way audio and sends mobile alerts when anyone presses the doorbell or sets off motion sensors. The Ring 3 is $179.99.

A robot vacuum that does the cleaning for you

robot vacuum


Credit: irobot

Stop manually vacuuming your house every day and let a robot vacuum clean your floors for you. The Roomba 981 has WiFi connectivity for mobile and voice controls and it’s tough on pet hair. This robot vacuum costs $248.99.

A weighted blanket

weighted blanket


Credit: quility

For what seems like an extraneous expense, an extra-heavy blanket can be a total game-changer. Besides providing all the comfort of a partner without the snoring, a weighted blanket can reduce tossing and turning and keep you extra warm. This one on Amazon comes in a bunch of colors, sizes, and weights, but the 60″x80″ 15 lbs blanket (a good place to start) costs $79.99.

A nice pair of sunglasses

sunglasses


Credit: ray-ban

Like, a nice pair of sunglasses. From beach days in the summer to warding off snow glare when driving in the colder months, sunglasses come in handy throughout the year (even just to have on your head as a lowkey flex). This unisex pair of Ray-Bans costs $211.

A massage gun

massage gun


Credit: theragun

Whether you’re working at a desk all day, running around, or just inexplicably tense, a massage gun will get you limber and relaxed again. What better gift than the gift of painless movement? Our best recommendation? Go for the TheraGun. Their Prime model costs $299.

A Kindle

man reading a kindle


Credit: amazon

Instead of asking for a book, ask for a Kindle for your birthday and save yourself money and space. Yes, it doesn’t smell the same, but now you’ll have no excuses for not keeping up with your yearly reading resolutions. The newest Kindle with 32GB storage is $189.99.

Explore Jim and Pam’s long-lost wedding website from ‘The Office’

A screenshot of Jim Halpert and Pam Beesly's wedding website homepage from

Jim Halpert and Pam Beesly got married more than 10 years ago, but if you’d like to check out their wedding website today, that’s absolutely a thing you can do.

On the latest episode of the Office Ladies podcast, former co-stars Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey spoke with showrunner Greg Daniels about the two-part Season 6 episode, “Niagara,” which shows Jim and Pam’s wedding at Niagara Falls. Daniels spoke in great detail about a scrapped “Niagara” storyline that involved Pam’s ex Roy crashing the ceremony on horseback and Dwight accidentally sending said horse over the falls. Then Fischer kept the Niagara tidbits coming, sharing a link to Jim and Pam’s long-lost wedding website to her Instagram Stories.

Though you may have missed your chance to explore the site when it was live, you can relive some of that JAM wedding glory thanks to the internet archives.

Halpertbeesly.com lives on in pieces (74 screenshots from September 2009 to September 2020, to be exact) and takes you to a beautifully cheesy homepage that features a Jim and Pam engagement photo alongside what look like three wedding-related stock photos. Perfection.

Click the “About Us” tab to read a sassy love story of two paper salesman. Check out “Guest Info” for one (1) fun thing to do in the area and “Location” to learn more about Niagara Falls, New York, a place where Pam’s parents frequently took her for family vacations.

A screenshot of Jim Halpert and Pam Beesly's wedding website from "The Office." This is the Location page, which explains why they chose to wed in Niagara Falls, NY.

Major Pam sass.
Credit: SCREENSHOT / HALPERTBEESLY.COM

Sadly, the Beesly/Halpert video blog won’t load for me and the (very blunt) registry only has three items on it, one of which is a Porsche 911 Carrera, but you can still check out their photo gallery and a few guest book signatures. Let’s read some of those heartfelt notes, shall we?

  • “Congrats you guys, good to see Pam taking my sloppy seconds, just kidding, hehe.” —Meredith Palmer

  • “You’re so lucky Pam! Jim is going to be a very handsome groom. You’re very very lucky.” —Phyllis Lapin-Vance

  • “Pam, you are like a daughter to me, and Jim is like a son. I’m so proud that my son and daughter are to be wed! Tis a thing of beauty! Glory be!!!” —Michael Scott

  • “I can’t believe you’re getting married before I am…I guess it makes sense – you are older. Congratulations!” —Kelly Kapoor

Ah, beautiful. Not at all creepy or rude.

Be sure to explore the site to catch all the intricate little Jim and Pam details, and listen to the full podcast episode to hear more behind-the-scenes stories about filming the episode, “Niagara: Part 1.”

You can stream episodes of The Office on Peacock and follow along with the podcast every week on EarwolfApple Podcasts, or Stitcher.

TikTok keeps recommending live ‘simulated sex’ videos to users

Person holding a phone in front of a TikTok logo

Have you seen the latest TikTok trend? You know, those livestreams.

The live videos in question involve a user, typically a young, clothed woman, simulating sex. The problem with the videos is that they’re being pushed to users who are not consenting to viewing sexual content or seeking it out on the app. TikTok removes these simulated sex livestreams once they are aware of them, but that is not always immediate because it generally depends on users to report the content. It can be quite jarring to see on your For You Page.

The videos are prohibited under TikTok’s adult nudity and sexual activities guidelines, which specifically mentions content that even “mimic, imply, or display sex acts.” TikTok in general has a large base of young users — according to the statistics site Statista, approximately 25 percent of TikTok users are are ages 10 to 19. However, as TikTok has grown, a majority of its users are now adults.

The trend has enough momentum that it’s generating a fair amount of conversation about the “disturbing” videos online. Interestingly, every post about the trend we came across was from users who encountered the video via TikTok’s For You Page, which is a personalized feed based off of an algorithm that delivers content it thinks users will enjoy. It’s a large part of why TikTok is so popular. You never know what video may pop up next.

This viral Twitter thread is full of people posting clips that were apparently recommended to them on their For You Page.

In a majority of these videos a person is seen on camera, usually shot from the shoulders up. They’re often laying down on a bed and simulating sex with a seemingly nonexistent or imaginary partner just off camera. Sometimes the creators start doing something mundane like eating or reading a book. In some streams, they talk with their followers as normal, like nothing is going on, while going through the motions.

Now, this is the internet. The videos are weird but in the hierarchy of weird things online, this doesn’t rank anywhere near the top. But again, this is against TikTok’s policies. And it’s clear from at least some of these videos that the people in the clips are monetizing their performance, sometimes receiving gifts in the chat from their viewers via TikTok’s Live Gifting program, which can then be turned into cash.

What is noteworthy here, however, is that TikTok seems to be promoting these videos to users who don’t want to see them at all.

It’s important to note that platforms like TikTok and Instagram have become increasingly hostile to sex workers, leaving many scrambling to find revenue streams or a new audience. It’s possible this trend started as such — or maybe it’s just a trend.

TikTok’s recommendation algorithm has been known for being freakishly in tune with what type of content its users want to see. Unsurprisingly, it looks like these live videos also get a lot of engagement, which likely informs the algorithm to further recommend the livestreams, even to those who don’t want it. Users can report videos and inform the app that they are not interested in specific content, but only after they have viewed it.

In addition to the removal of the stream, TikTok bans users who post such content from being able to use the platform’s live video feature. TikTok declined to comment on record.

TikTok isn’t the only platform having issues with mobile livestreaming. Streaming content has long provided a challenge to social media platforms, as automated systems that usually flag problematic uploaded clips will often miss the same type of content in a live video. In the aftermath of the Christchurch mass shooting in 2019, for instance, Facebook was heavily criticized as live video of the terrorist attack spread on its platform. YouTube recently faced backlash after limiting the amount of viewers on livestreams from users with low subscriber counts, a precautionary measure to limit prohibited live content on its platform.

Regardless, based on complaints from users, it appears these live videos continue to proliferate on TikTok’s For You Page.

7 ways to honor Jack Pearson this Super Bowl Sunday

A man (Milo Ventimiglia, who plays Jack Pearson on

The Big Game is almost here, but for This Is Us fans everywhere Super Bowl Sunday will always be known as the anniversary of The Big Cry.

Ever since the NBC drama revealed the tragic death of America’s TV dad, Jack Pearson, in the Season 2 episode, “Super Bowl Sunday,” which rudely aired immediately after the game in 2018, the day has had somewhat of a dark cloud over it. Sure, it’s still a day for food, fun, and football. But now, each year marks an anniversary of sad memories.

It’s the anniversary of the day we saw the Pearson family home engulfed in flames from a slow cooker fire, Jack die of cardiac arrest brought on by smoke inhalation, Rebecca grief-eat a Mars bar in the hospital before breaking down in tears, and a whole bunch of other NOPE moments.

This Super Bowl Sunday, since there’s no heartbreaking This Is Us episode to remind us, we came up with seven ways you can honor the memory of Jack Pearson.

SEE ALSO:

Why we’re so addicted to watching ‘This is Us’ and crying

1. Put the “us” in This Is Us

To start, the head of the Pearson family would have wanted us all to gather round and watch the game with loved ones. So reach out to friends, family members, and favorite co-workers and obsess over the Super Bowl together.

2. Dress like Jack

No matter which teams are playing, consider wearing a Steelers jersey on Sunday as a nod to Jack Pearson’s favorite team. If that’s too dramatic for you, just opt for a plaid shirt, because he loved rocking those, too.

3. Cautious cooking

We know that Jack Pearson met his early demise as a result of forgetting to unplug his old, faulty slow cooker when he cleaned up the Super Bowl snacks in the kitchen before going to bed. So it’s important be mindful when engaging in sensitive slow cooker-related convos on the big day. For those who are still grieving, we’ve compiled a few delicious recipes that don’t require slow cookers.

4. A cathartic pre-game cry

Before the big game, you might even consider re-watching the episode in Jack’s honor. That’s very nice, but also very sad, so perhaps just listen to “To Build A Home” by The Cinematic Orchestra and pregame the Big Game with another Big Cry.

5. Cautious clean up

In wake of that devastating Super Bowl episode, Milo Ventimiglia (who plays Jack) and other This Is Us cast members rallied to support Crock Pots and slow cookers everywhere, reminding the world that not all of them have faulty switches and will spontaneously combust. And much like the cast members, if Jack Pearson were alive right now I’ll bet he’d say something encouragingly profound like, “Never let the fear of slow cooker fires keep you from enjoying the game.”

So carry on with your slow cooking, and enjoy your chili and delicious dips, but please, do not forget to unplug the slow cooker when the game’s over. Unplug it for your own safety, of course, but also do it for Jack.

6. Some light smoke detector upkeep

If you recall, the Pearson family unfortunately forgot to replace the batteries in their smoke detector, which is why it took so long for them to realize the house was on fire that night. So if you haven’t changed your smoke detector batteries in a while, Super Bowl Sunday is the perfect time to do so.

7. Enjoy life :’)

Ventimiglia shared a slew of other fire safety tips with us back in 2018, which you can also review before the football game. But after that, kick back, relax, and enjoy the game for Jack.

This post was originally published in February 2019, and was updated in February 2021.

Related Video: 7 ways to honor Jack Pearson this Super Bowl Sunday

There were almost two internets. Then, the CIA destroyed one.

Stafford Beer Operation Room

In Mashable’s new three-part episode of our series on the digital age’s dark side, Kernel Panic, we explore a startlingly advanced computer network developed in Salvador Allende’s Chile of the 1970s. Called Project Cybersyn, the network was a centerpiece of Allende’s effort to modernize the Chilean economy. It was developed in parallel with the American networks that would become the internet, at a moment in time in which President Nixon was trying to undermine the Chilean economy and overthrow Allende, the first democratically elected Marxist leader in Latin America.

Cybersyn, designed by a farthinking British theorist named Stafford Beer and run by a cadre of young revolutionary programmers, was an astonishing success. Using little more than old telephone wires and mothballed pre-war machinery, the Chilean program managed to build out a real-time data stream very much like the social media newsfeed of today, watching and monitoring the country’s industry from a retro-futuristic control room in the capital.

For two years, the programmers used Cybersyn to battle strikes and attempted coups until finally, in September of 1973, Allende was overthrown by a military junta led by Augusto Pinochet. The dream of a stable, modernized Chile died with Allende, and so did the potential for a second internet, built in parallel and evolved under a totally different system of information sharing.

Mashable speaks to Fernando Flores who served under Allende as finance minister before spending three years in prison under Pinochet, as well as Raul Espejo, operational director of Project Cybersyn, and the family of Stafford Beer to take you inside the dream and disappointment of Project Cybersyn.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

The easiest ways to watch Super Bowl LVI without a cable subscription

Joe Burrow of the Cincinnati Bengals

It’s that most wonderful time of the year when millions of Americans watch their only football game of the season because it’s an excuse to eat too much and watch overproduced commercials. That’s right folks, Super Bowl LVI is almost upon us.

This year’s edition of the NFL championship game is an odd one. In one corner you’ve got the Los Angeles Rams, a team many expected to be here because of a string of recent successes (they were in the Super Bowl just three seasons ago) and a roster loaded with big-name veterans. Across from them are the…Cincinnati Bengals?! Yes, the team with the most underrated uniforms in sports and a history largely steeped in irrelevance has shocked the world, and gotten to the big game on the backs of a bunch of ultra-talented cool guys who are all like 25 years old, love smoking cigars, and don’t care in the slightest what anyone thinks about them.

The Bengals may not traditionally be a big TV draw, but trust me, you’re going to want to tune in and watch them take on the Rams to potentially win their first championship ever. The game starts at 6:30 p.m. ET on NBC on Sunday, Feb. 13.

Here’s how you can check it out without paying for cable.

Peacock

Since the game is on NBC this year, the trick to watching it without cable is exactly the same as it is for the Winter Olympics: Pay $5 for Peacock Premium and stream it from your streaming device of choice.

Peacock Premium comes in either $5/mo or $10/mo plans, with the latter getting rid of ads in on-demand content. The Super Bowl is the live event to end all live events so that’s not relevant here. The $5 tier gets you access to a livestream of the game, so simply go with that one.

It’s tempting to end the article right here because of how comically easy it is to just pay for Peacock and call it a day. But if that’s not your style, there are a couple of other ways to catch the Super Bowl.

Cable-like streaming services

There are a bunch of different streaming services out there that replicate the cable experience by bundling dozens of channels together for a monthly fee that’s usually not that big of a discount compared to just getting cable. Sure, you won’t have to deal with contracts or installation or deactivation fees, but $70/mo is still $70/mo.

Anyway, here are a few of those that carry local NBC affiliates:

  • Sling Blue ($35/mo)

  • Fubo TV ($65/mo)

  • Hulu with Live TV ($70/mo)

To be clear, while those are all a great deal more expensive than Peacock, they also come with lots of other channels. Hulu with Live TV also comes with, well, Hulu, so that’s a nice bonus. But still, Peacock is going to be the easiest option compared to these.

An antenna

If you really want to kick it old school, there are lots of HD TV antennas that you can plug into an HDMI port, attach to a wall or window, and hope that it picks up the over-the-air broadcast of your local NBC affiliate. These usually cost anywhere from $20 to $40 and have the benefit of not requiring any kind of regular subscription. Buy it once and that’s it. However, channel selection and signal strength can vary heavily depending on your location, so it can be a bit of a gamble. If your home internet isn’t up to the task of streaming the Super Bowl, this could be a way around that. Otherwise, it’s probably wise to just give Peacock a whirl.

Super Bowl LVI isn’t the matchup most (or any) football fans expected to see back in September, but that’s why they play the games instead of just predicting them and calling it a day. The Rams and Bengals feature plenty of explosive talent on both sides of the ball, so fingers crossed it isn’t a blowout or a low-scoring snoozefest.